Light at the End of the Tunnel

Over a month ago, I came back to the blogging scene with high hopes and invigorated energy to get back onto the blogging band wagon. But then I froze.  I froze, panicked & fell into a hole.  I don’t know if I should call it depression or just a funk.  I didn’t know how I got there, I just did.  And worse yet I could’t shake it.

For the past two years that I’ve been blogging on and off, I believe that I’ve always presented myself as a happy go lucky kinda gal. Because typically I am.  Still there is a part of me, that struggles with this feeling of despondency.  There are those instances that I spend too much time in my head, thinking of all the what-if’s and regrets.  Comparing where I am to where I should be; how I’m not parenting the way I envisioned or how guilty I feel for yelling at the Pollitos; whether I’m living up to my parents expectations and dreams.  The list goes on and on, until I find myself deeper into a dark tunnel with no end in sight.

I feel like I travel along this tunnel for days just looking for a sliver of light.  When I do finally find a fragment shining in the depths of this self-inflicted pit, it takes me even longer to hightail it out of there.  And all the while I’m conscious that I have no business in there and try my hardest to run out of the burrow, I’ve scurried into.  It feels like a vicious cycle.  I know better but I seem to lack the tools to dig myself out.

From the outside looking in, you would never imagine the frenzied commotion my being is lost in.  I’m still smiling and upbeat.  But its all a spectacle, so not to, have to explain to the world where I’ve failed.  Failing is that ultimate fear of mine, one which happens to creep up at the most inopportune time.  It’s paralyzing.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve set out to accomplish something and I’ve gone nowhere.  It’s almost like I’m afraid of disappointing myself and yet it comes to fruition because I haven’t begun, let alone finish my intention.  See what I mean about a vicious cycle?

I like to write things down… grocery lists, to-do lists, goals, schedules, etc.  Even more I like to check off things from my lists. There’s a sense of satisfaction in doing so.  The goal list is the one with the least amount of checks.  The lack of checks manifests into guilt and that annoying inner voice telling me… “You should know better. Just do better.”  I scream back at her and tell her… “I KNOW!!!”

Friday while running on the treadmill, I can’t explain it, whether it was an epiphany or just finding the courage to stand up for myself to myself; but I gave myself permission to fail.  Yes, fail.  Isn’t there a saying something like… Failing means at least you’re trying. Well I want to try!  I want to see how far I can go.  I truly do.  My desire to see the distance is stronger than my fear.

This is still a new feeling, one that I’m holding tightly to.  Beyond a shadow of a doubt, a heaping ray of light has discovered the dark tunnel which I was so deeply rooted in, and is lighting my way out.  As I put one foot in front of the other, I remind myself I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS.

Thanks for just listening and allowing me to profess the scary truth behind my stagnation. 

Abrazos, Sapphire

Seven Months

Yes, it’s been roughly seven months since I’ve showed my face around these parts.  I can’t believe it’s been that long.

A lot has changed in these past 7 months, from our location to employment to school and much more.  There’s so much to fill you in on. I’ll definitely get to it, little by little.

In the mean time, I wanted to share with you a fun craft I whipped up last week.  Can you guess what it is?  If you’ve been reading for sometime, chances are you know how obsessed I am with wreaths.  I love making one for the month’s theme. And since we’re celebrating LOVE this month, I knew I wanted to spread some throughout my home & front door.

While organizing my craft closet, I came across some burlap, which I forgot I had. I grabbed one of the many wreaths, I’ve picked up from the Dollar Tree, and began wrapping the burlap around the wreath.  Following that I went rummaging through the rest of my stash and found red ric rac, along with some cute Valentine themed fabric.

Burlap Valentine's Day Wreath

With the fabric and ric rac I created a cluster of flowers, which included yo-yos and kanzashi.  From there I created a pennant banner from the burlap and fabric.

Burlap Valentine's Day Wreath

Here’s a close-up of the cluster. I just love how the kanzashi flower came out.  I have a strong feeling I’ll be making more of them. I envision some cute headbands for my daughter.  And there you have this month’s front door happiness.

Come back for a visit this week, I expect to be back.

Abrazos, Sapphire

Kale Chips {Recipe}

Do I have an easy and clean recipe for you!  Since taking up Clean Eating, I have also challenged myself to try new foods.  I’m so glad that I have, because I’ve learned to eat some great tasting & healthful foods.  And that’s how I came across this recipe.

Can I tell you I absolutely LOOOOOOVE chips.  I mean it.  I mostly prefer salty snacks over sweet ones.  And chips certainly fit the bill.  So, when I saw this recipe on Instagram I knew I wanted to try it.  Plus, I’ve been buying lots of kale for smoothies and wanted to try it in a different form.

Ok, so are you ready for a quick, easy & inexpensive snack?  Here we go.

kale chips recipe

Ingredients:

  • Kale
  • Olive Oil
  • Sea Salt

Prep:

  • Grab a few stalks of kale, separate the leaves from the rib, cut or tear them into smaller pieces
  • Pat dry the kale
  • Drizzle & toss the kale with olive oil
  • Lay them on a cookie sheet covered with foil or parchment paper
  • Lightly spread the sea salt
  • Pop in the oven at 300 degrees for 15-17 minutes. You want to make sure the kale is crispy like a chip.
  • Let cool or enjoy right out the oven.

Didn’t I tell you I had an easy recipe for you?  Let it be known that once you pop one in your mouth you won’t believe that you’re eating a veggie, cause it taste just like a chip.   And best part, is that you can make a huge batch, then divi it up into baggies for later.  Oh and of course the cost is way less than any chip, you’ll find at the grocery store, plus the health benefits.   Can you tell that I’m pumped about these?

Well go, go, go get some kale & make some chips, you’re gonna like em.  Buen Provecho!

Abrazos, Sapphire

Linking up to some of my favorite parties:
The Gunny SackThe Girl CreativeFunky Polkadot GiraffeReasons to Skip the HouseworkToday’s Creative BlogTip JunkieOrganize & Decorate Everything, Someday CraftsMy Girlish WhimsSomewhat SimpleI Heart Nap TimeThe Shabby Creek CottageSeven Thirty ThreeDelightful OrderGluesticksHomemaker in HeelsFingerprints on the FridgeFive Days 5 WaysBacon Time with the Hungry Hungry HippoCraft EnvyToo Much Time on My HandsBe Different Act NormalUnder the Table and DreamingA Creative PrincessThe Peaceful Mom

Hello Monday {Milestones, Ideas & Fresh Start}

It’s a new week, a fresh start! The month is almost over & Summer right around the corner.  Woot Woot!

So, let’s say some Hellos & link up to the Lovely Lisa.

photo 1

Hello Rain.  Seems like you’re here to stay.  At least it’ll be warm for the next few days.

Hello Milestones.  Lil’ Red has been up to lots.  Enjoying Cheerios for the first time.  Cutting two more teeth.  Zooming around in his walker.  Turning 9 months old.  Sigh! It’s all going by so quickly.  Can’t I just hit the pause button for a bit.

photo 2

Hello Ideas.  There are ton swimming around in my head & even more written down in my journal & typed on my cell.  Now it’s time to prioritize them & get to working.

Hello Photo Shoot.  Gordita is getting dance portraits taken this week.

photo 4

Hello NYC Road Trip.  We’ll be spending Memorial Day Weekend in NYC for a change.  I’m looking forward to catching up with friends.

Hello Week 3 of Insanity.  I skipped a day over the weekend. But I woke up nice & early today to get back on the wagon.  It feels good & I’m loving the difference I’m seeing in my body.

photo 3

Hello Parmesan Wonton Chips.  I’m planning on trying this recipe this week.

And here we are again, Friends!  Time to get another week underway!  Have a great one!

Abrazos, Sapphire

Listen to the Beat {Running Music}

I’ve been hitting the pavement quite a bit as of late, and having a great time with it.  However, I recently did a 5 miler race with my co-worker & let me tell you that it went horribly.  I wasn’t a quarter of a mile in and I wanted to quit.  I just couldn’t find my groove, my legs felt heavy & my brain foggy.  Lousy race or not, I did manage to finish but with a weak time of 53.4 minutes.  I’ve known for some time that every run won’t be my best; I just hadn’t realized that neither will be every race.

Two days later I ran my typical four miles, did great time and enjoyed myself.  Go figure!

I wonder if my new playlist had anything to do with it.  I have to admit my previous running playlist had gotten pretty stale.  I’m one of those runners that NEED their music.  There’s two schools of thought when it comes to music while running.  The purist are all about listening to their bodies, their breathing, foot falls & taking in the scenery.  While runners like me use the music to zone out, get into a groove but also take in the scenery.

I put my new playlist together on Spotify.  Here’s what I’m rocking to these days, a little bit of hip-hop, house and pop.

may running playlist

Do you ever find some runs or races are better than others?  How about music are you a purist or do you need your tunes?

Abrazos, Sapphire

Hello Monday {My Ballerina}

Hello Amigos!!  And why Hello Monday!  You’re here again?  So soon?

 How was everyone’s weekend & Mother’s Day?  Mine was just right!

 The highlight of the weekend was Gordita’s Dance Recital on Saturday.  She looked absolutely adorable in her costume.  You may remember that I mentioned I feared she wouldn’t dance on the BIG day.  Well I was wrong.  She shook what her momma gave her just fine.  In fact she brought me to tears.  I couldn’t help myself; I became overwhelmed with pride seeing my baby girl up there on that big stage, doing her thing.  She never ceases to amaze me.

ballerina

ballerina

Hello New Week.  I’m not sure about you, but I guess let’s get it started. 

 Hello Week 2 of Insanity.  Today is my rest day, boy am I thankful.  I have muscles that apparently I haven’t used in years that are all achy.

 Hello Laundry.  I’m so not ready to tackle you.  Wishing I could twitch my nose & you would wash & put your self away clothes.

 Hello to Keeping It Simple this week.

Linking up to the Lovely Lisa.

Abrazos, Sapphire