Fraught and Distracted

Hey friends. It’s been a bit, since I’ve shared any of my crazy antics.  It hasn’t been out of lack of nut-i-ness or completed projects.  But, rather cloudiness of the brain.

As you know, I’m expecting our third Pollito. A little boy.

Well this lil boy has decided to scare his mama & dada. And as a result, I’ve been cloudy. Can’t figure a better word, then cloudy. It’s like a feeling of being here in the present, but seeing everything through dirty-slow-motion-glasses. Not a great feeling.

At my last pre-natal appointment the doctor heard an abnormality with baby boy’s heart. An arrhythmia.  He sent me for a sonogram with the perinatologist.

I saw him two days later. Waiting was not pleasant.  All sorts of things ran through my head.

Well, the hubs and I went to the appointment and sure enough lil guy’s ticker, jumped every so often. But what was worse, was being told there’s something else. The doctor went ahead and explained that he saw a size difference in the ventricles of the heart, and combined with the arrhythmia, he recommended that we consult with the doctors of the Fetal Heart Program at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP).

My head began spinning at the mention of having to trekk it down to CHOP.  It’s an amazing hospital, well known and respected. I remember well, from having to take our oldest there when he was 3.  We lucked out with him, he was given a clean bill of health and we went on our merry way.  Fast forward nearly three years later and we’re headed back. Could we be so lucky this time around and leave again unscathed?

Once we left the doctor’s office, there were no words. Rob and I rode in silence back home. So much to take in. So much to worry about. So much to understand. Plus the waiting game began. When would we be scheduled? Would it take days? I hoped our sense of urgency was understood by the staff at the perinatologist’s office and they would get us in ASAP. It was. Thankfully so. We were scheduled for the following day at 9am.

After getting the Pollitos situated at my in-laws, we headed down to Philly. We decided to rent a hotel room and drive the 2 hours then, instead of contending with the traffic in the morning. In hopes that we’d be better rested.

Sleep eluded us both that night. All of the what-ifs floating around. Plus the thunderstorm of all thunderstorms rolled into Philly.

Come morning time, my stomach was tied in knots. The nerves had gotten ahold of me.  There we were at CHOP Friday morning ready. Sorta.

I underwent a more extensive sonogram. It took well over an hour. After awhile everything on the screen seemed to look like fuzz. I couldn’t make sense of any of it.  Soon the medical director of the program came in to give us a brief explanation of what they were seeing.

Once the testing was complete, we were brought into a room to speak with the medical director, nurse practitioner and a social worker. So, there we were waiting for it. The good news? The bad news?

What we got was mixed news.  Baby boy has what’s called an aneurysm of atrial septum (ASA). Scary sounding name, I know. But the director explained it to us in layman’s term.  His foramen ovale which should be allowing blood to enter the left atrium from the right atrium is baggy. Once babies are born this opening should close. But because his is baggy, there is concern that it may not close properly, therefore affecting his aorta by narrowing it’s passageway, leading to what’s called coarctation of the aorta.  If that’s the case, then I would have to deliver there at CHOP and he’d have to undergo surgery, a few days after birth.

That’s the worst case scenario.  However, the director feels we won’t have to travel down that road.  He’s leaning towards a much better outcome. And I’m holding onto his hopeful words. But before we can chalk this up to the trials and tribulations of parenting, I have to go back in 3 weeks for further testing, to rule out any issues.

I’m hoping and praying every moment that I can, that we’ll hear good news & that lil man will be A-ok.

Anyone that knows me, knows that I exude positivity.  But this has me torn. I can’t help but think back to the time we had the health scare with the Lil’ Giant, and how all was fine at the end. I wonder am I that good of a person, am I that worthy that my baby boy will come away from this ok too.  I do hope that I am. And that all will be fine.  The waiting is another thing.  Will I make it through these next three weeks without totally wigging out? For my sanity and that of those who live with me, I hope so. With my stress level being so high, I’ve been reading a lot. Its been a way to escape into different worlds & not think about the possible mess in front of us.

So there you have it. The reality behind my smiley façade.

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5 thoughts on “Fraught and Distracted

  1. Praying for the best outcome. Remember god has that tiny little guy in his hands. Cling to god and find comfort in him. Sending hugs!

  2. Sapphire,

    God brought us together for a reason. I am here always. I know the waiting game. No matter tge iutcome please know you are in the best hands. I am praying for you

  3. Pingback: Precautionary Limbo «

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