Light at the End of the Tunnel

Over a month ago, I came back to the blogging scene with high hopes and invigorated energy to get back onto the blogging band wagon. But then I froze.  I froze, panicked & fell into a hole.  I don’t know if I should call it depression or just a funk.  I didn’t know how I got there, I just did.  And worse yet I could’t shake it.

For the past two years that I’ve been blogging on and off, I believe that I’ve always presented myself as a happy go lucky kinda gal. Because typically I am.  Still there is a part of me, that struggles with this feeling of despondency.  There are those instances that I spend too much time in my head, thinking of all the what-if’s and regrets.  Comparing where I am to where I should be; how I’m not parenting the way I envisioned or how guilty I feel for yelling at the Pollitos; whether I’m living up to my parents expectations and dreams.  The list goes on and on, until I find myself deeper into a dark tunnel with no end in sight.

I feel like I travel along this tunnel for days just looking for a sliver of light.  When I do finally find a fragment shining in the depths of this self-inflicted pit, it takes me even longer to hightail it out of there.  And all the while I’m conscious that I have no business in there and try my hardest to run out of the burrow, I’ve scurried into.  It feels like a vicious cycle.  I know better but I seem to lack the tools to dig myself out.

From the outside looking in, you would never imagine the frenzied commotion my being is lost in.  I’m still smiling and upbeat.  But its all a spectacle, so not to, have to explain to the world where I’ve failed.  Failing is that ultimate fear of mine, one which happens to creep up at the most inopportune time.  It’s paralyzing.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve set out to accomplish something and I’ve gone nowhere.  It’s almost like I’m afraid of disappointing myself and yet it comes to fruition because I haven’t begun, let alone finish my intention.  See what I mean about a vicious cycle?

I like to write things down… grocery lists, to-do lists, goals, schedules, etc.  Even more I like to check off things from my lists. There’s a sense of satisfaction in doing so.  The goal list is the one with the least amount of checks.  The lack of checks manifests into guilt and that annoying inner voice telling me… “You should know better. Just do better.”  I scream back at her and tell her… “I KNOW!!!”

Friday while running on the treadmill, I can’t explain it, whether it was an epiphany or just finding the courage to stand up for myself to myself; but I gave myself permission to fail.  Yes, fail.  Isn’t there a saying something like… Failing means at least you’re trying. Well I want to try!  I want to see how far I can go.  I truly do.  My desire to see the distance is stronger than my fear.

This is still a new feeling, one that I’m holding tightly to.  Beyond a shadow of a doubt, a heaping ray of light has discovered the dark tunnel which I was so deeply rooted in, and is lighting my way out.  As I put one foot in front of the other, I remind myself I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS.

Thanks for just listening and allowing me to profess the scary truth behind my stagnation. 

Abrazos, Sapphire

Hello Monday {Milestones, Ideas & Fresh Start}

It’s a new week, a fresh start! The month is almost over & Summer right around the corner.  Woot Woot!

So, let’s say some Hellos & link up to the Lovely Lisa.

photo 1

Hello Rain.  Seems like you’re here to stay.  At least it’ll be warm for the next few days.

Hello Milestones.  Lil’ Red has been up to lots.  Enjoying Cheerios for the first time.  Cutting two more teeth.  Zooming around in his walker.  Turning 9 months old.  Sigh! It’s all going by so quickly.  Can’t I just hit the pause button for a bit.

photo 2

Hello Ideas.  There are ton swimming around in my head & even more written down in my journal & typed on my cell.  Now it’s time to prioritize them & get to working.

Hello Photo Shoot.  Gordita is getting dance portraits taken this week.

photo 4

Hello NYC Road Trip.  We’ll be spending Memorial Day Weekend in NYC for a change.  I’m looking forward to catching up with friends.

Hello Week 3 of Insanity.  I skipped a day over the weekend. But I woke up nice & early today to get back on the wagon.  It feels good & I’m loving the difference I’m seeing in my body.

photo 3

Hello Parmesan Wonton Chips.  I’m planning on trying this recipe this week.

And here we are again, Friends!  Time to get another week underway!  Have a great one!

Abrazos, Sapphire

Listen to the Beat {Running Music}

I’ve been hitting the pavement quite a bit as of late, and having a great time with it.  However, I recently did a 5 miler race with my co-worker & let me tell you that it went horribly.  I wasn’t a quarter of a mile in and I wanted to quit.  I just couldn’t find my groove, my legs felt heavy & my brain foggy.  Lousy race or not, I did manage to finish but with a weak time of 53.4 minutes.  I’ve known for some time that every run won’t be my best; I just hadn’t realized that neither will be every race.

Two days later I ran my typical four miles, did great time and enjoyed myself.  Go figure!

I wonder if my new playlist had anything to do with it.  I have to admit my previous running playlist had gotten pretty stale.  I’m one of those runners that NEED their music.  There’s two schools of thought when it comes to music while running.  The purist are all about listening to their bodies, their breathing, foot falls & taking in the scenery.  While runners like me use the music to zone out, get into a groove but also take in the scenery.

I put my new playlist together on Spotify.  Here’s what I’m rocking to these days, a little bit of hip-hop, house and pop.

may running playlist

Do you ever find some runs or races are better than others?  How about music are you a purist or do you need your tunes?

Abrazos, Sapphire

Hello Monday {My Ballerina}

Hello Amigos!!  And why Hello Monday!  You’re here again?  So soon?

 How was everyone’s weekend & Mother’s Day?  Mine was just right!

 The highlight of the weekend was Gordita’s Dance Recital on Saturday.  She looked absolutely adorable in her costume.  You may remember that I mentioned I feared she wouldn’t dance on the BIG day.  Well I was wrong.  She shook what her momma gave her just fine.  In fact she brought me to tears.  I couldn’t help myself; I became overwhelmed with pride seeing my baby girl up there on that big stage, doing her thing.  She never ceases to amaze me.

ballerina

ballerina

Hello New Week.  I’m not sure about you, but I guess let’s get it started. 

 Hello Week 2 of Insanity.  Today is my rest day, boy am I thankful.  I have muscles that apparently I haven’t used in years that are all achy.

 Hello Laundry.  I’m so not ready to tackle you.  Wishing I could twitch my nose & you would wash & put your self away clothes.

 Hello to Keeping It Simple this week.

Linking up to the Lovely Lisa.

Abrazos, Sapphire

Encouraging words on Mother’s Day #JOHNSONSBabyCares

Disclosure:  This is a compensated post in collaboration with Latina Bloggers Connect and JOHNSON’S Baby.  All opinions are my own. 

Whoever coined the phrase “Being a mom is the toughest job.” was right on the money.  Nothing or no one can truly prepare you for the ride of your life.  Whether you’re a first timer, a seasoned mama or have multiple children, you’ll always feel challenged and sometimes even pushed to your limit.  However, I’m pretty certain that all those distressing moments will never outweigh the wonderful ones, such as nuzzling your sweet baby, playing and giggling with your son or chatting with your daughter.  These are the moments that make all the chaos worthwhile.

Johnson's baby cares

JOHNSON’S® Baby CARES, the brand’s charitable platform dedicated to improving the health of moms and babies, recently launched an e-card digital platform, which allows you to send upbeat messages to moms across the nation, all while raising funds for the global children’s humanitarian organization, Save the Children®.  Each digital Care Card created on Facebook, sent, shared or ‘liked’ JOHNSON’S Baby will donate $1.00 towards one of Save the Children’s® programs, such as Early Steps to School Success, an early childhood education initiative.

With Mother’s Day just a few short days away, I wanted to encourage the many mothers in my life.  I especially wanted to brighten the day of one friend in particular.  I met Toniann a few years back, when I was a consultant for a well known direct sales company and she was a guest at one of my parties.  We kept in contact through Facebook (of course).  Toniann is a first time mama to the cutest 8-month old twins.  She and I reconnected recently, when she introduced me to clean eating, in fact she’s now my BeachBody Coach.

I created a digital card for Toniann to let her know what a ROCKIN’ job she’s doing as a mom.

Johnson's Baby Care Card

Toniann… Happy First Mother’s Day!  I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re doing a spectacular job.  Between juggling the babies, a hefty school load, maintaining a home,  dedicating yourself towards the health & wellness of others and yours… YOU ARE DOING IT!! Your hard work hasn’t gone unnoticed   You’re an inspiration!  Your beautiful twins are lucky to have you as their mother.

Is there a special mom in your life, that could use some encouragement?  Visit the JOHNSON’S® Baby CARES Facebook App to send her encouraging words on Mother’s Day.

Abrazos, Sapphire

 

Hello Monday {Friendships}

Monday again? Well, Hello!! I’m ready for you. Let’s Go. Go. Go.

How was everyone’s weekend? We had a wonderful one, spending it with new friends and reconnecting with old ones.

Now it’s time to say some Hellos for the new week.  Linking up to the Lovely Lisa.

strawfest 2013

Hello Gordita’s recital.  I’m beyond excited to see my baby girl up on stage. In truth, I’m nervous that she’ll just stand there & decide “I don’t want to dance.” because that’s something she would totally do.  Keep your fingers crossed for me.

strawfest 2013

Hello Outdoors.  We were out & about the entire weekend enjoying the beautiful weather & making a ton of fun memories.  We trekked it into New Rochelle yesterday to meet up with my Hermanas for CNR’s annual Strawfest.  The kids had a great time.

strawfest 2013

Hello to Catching Up.  The beauty of good friends, is that even if you go sometime without seeing or speaking with each other, you know how to just ease back into conversation.  There’s no skipping a beat.

strawfest 2013

Hello Budding Friendships.

strawfest 2013

Why Hello Sweet Baby.

Hello Insanity.  My brother gifted me the video set &  I’ll be starting them tomorrow.  This should be interesting.  Keep you posted.

Well let’s see what this week has in store for us.  I’m ready, how about you?

Abrazos, Sapphire

The Great Pinterest Affair {Spring Edition}

It’s been absolutely FOR-EVAH since I’ve shared some of my faves on Pinterest.  Shame, shame!!! So let’s just get to it.

 

This week’s Pinterest Round-Up…

Home Decor

No-sew Burlap Curtains

Source: Four Generations One Roof via Sapphire on Pinterest

DIY / Crafts

Hot Glue Gun Holder (What every crafter needs)

Source: One Project Closer via Sapphire on Pinterest

Parties

Popcorn Cupcakes

Source: Ucreate Parties via Sapphire on Pinterest

Handy Tips

Summertime Stove-top Potpourri

Source: The Poor Sophisticate via Sapphire on Pinterest

Kiddie Fun

Papel Picado Banners

Source: SpanglishBaby via Sapphire on Pinterest

Deliciousness

Ginger, citrus + lack sesame carrots w/ edamame and avocado recipe

Source: The First Mess via Sapphire on Pinterest

Kiddie Fashion

“Let’s Go Fly a Kite” Dress

Source: The Ribbon Retreat via Sapphire on Pinterest

Mama’s Style 

Minty Cute

Source: Polyvore via Sapphire on Pinterest

Fitness

The 5-minute Ultimate Core Workout

Source:  Health.com via Sapphire on Pinterest

There you have it, the pins that brought a bit of sunshine to my week.  How about you? Have you pinned something worth sharing?

Abrazos, Sapphire